This is me being me. You know how it goes.




it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob

what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob

Because we have vaginas

(Source: barfemoji)

in the shower

me: that's not quite hot enough let me just turn it up to boiling lava.

me: yes good i shall bathe in the waters of mordor.

me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?

me: i'ma read the back of this.

me: lather, rinse, repeat?

me: why do i have to repeat is your product so shitty it didn't work the first time?

me: hold the fuck up i have to write fanfic in my head real quick.

me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?

me: eheheheheheheheheheh.

me: but you didn't have to cUT ME OFF.

me: did i already wash my hair?

me: i think i did but i don't remember.

me: i'ma do it again.


me: well played, pantene pro-v. WELL PLAYED

me: i wonder what it's like to have sex in the shower.

me: i bet it's awkward.

me: i bet a lot of injuries happen that way.

me: okay time to get out.



me: where the fuck is my towel.